Reflections on 29 Years: Advice to My Younger Self

A note from Amy Boutan

This year, as we celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary, I pulled out our wedding albums to reminisce. Flipping through the pages, I found myself gazing into the eyes of a younger woman—full of dreams, excitement, and expectations. And I couldn’t help but reflect on all that I know now that I didn’t know then.

If I could sit down with her, here’s what I would say...

Character Matters Most

You took a chance on Paul because of his character—and you chose well. Nearly three decades later, he is still kind, genuine in his faith, humble, fun, and incredibly trustworthy. Besides accepting Jesus as your Savior, marrying Paul is the best decision you ever made.

Wise Money Choices Pay Off

Those early decisions to stay debt-free, live humbly, and make sacrifices—like enduring an uncomfortable double bed for two years to save for a down payment—will pay off. Starting your IRA early was a game-changer. Keep making smart financial choices.

Dreams Do Come True

The dreams of planting a church, being a stay-at-home mom, paying for college, and even traveling to incredible places. They all happened. Keep dreaming big.

Life is Harder Than It Seems

Marriage is hard. Planting a church is hard. Raising kids—whether they’re little, teenagers, or young adults—is hard. Living frugally is hard. Staying strong in your faith in a post-Christian world is hard. Watching your parents age is hard. The empty nest is hard. Staying in shape is hard. But hard things are worth doing.

Never Stop Dating

Prioritizing your marriage while raising kids was the right call. The empty nest is real, and you’ll spend more years as a couple than as active parents. Keep the romance alive. Don’t let your relationship become a mere partnership—keep having fun together.

You’ll Become a Better Version of Yourself

You’re a Type A personality, but life, marriage, ministry, and parenting will refine you into a gentler, more patient version of yourself. Learn to master your anger quickly—it's rooted in fear, pride, or a heart not fully surrendered to the Spirit. Stay anchored in God’s Word. Grow in self-control. Break unhealthy patterns before they take root and cause damage.

Your dream of planting a church was always about more than just ministry. It has been, and continues to be, a profound opportunity to serve both God and others. Yet, beyond that, God is using this beloved church to do an even greater work within you.

Your Faith Will Deepen

You won’t let Paul outgrow you spiritually. You’ll dig into Scripture, seek the Holy Spirit, fast, and pray through trials you never imagined. But God will carry you through. Your faith will be tested by fire—and it will be proven genuine.

Your Most Important Title is ‘Child of God’

Over the years, you’ll hold many titles—sales manager, wife, mom, homeschool mom, pastor’s wife, women’s ministry leader, financial coach, teacher, grandmother. But the one that will always remain is child of God. Hold onto that above all else.

Forgive Quickly and Fully

Forgiveness is the key to a strong marriage, raising children, and being part of a church family. Learn to truly forgive from the heart so the Holy Spirit can flow freely. And don’t forget to ask for forgiveness regularly.

Some Things Won’t Turn Out As You Hoped

Accepting God’s will in painful circumstances will be one of your greatest challenges. Trusting Him won’t always be easy. But you must learn to adapt and live with an open hand. In acceptance lies peace.

You’ll Become a Dog Person

You may think you’re a cat person now, but over the years, God will give you three sweet dogs. Each one will bring joy, companionship, and unexpected comfort.

Looking back, I see how much I’ve grown—how love, faith, and time have shaped me in ways I never could have imagined. Marriage isn’t just about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person. Through every joy and challenge, God has been at work, refining, teaching, and strengthening me.

So to my younger self, I would say: Embrace the journey. Hold fast to faith. Love deeply and forgive quickly. The years ahead will be more beautiful, more challenging, and more rewarding than you can possibly see right now. And one day, you’ll look back with gratitude, knowing that every moment was shaping you into who you were meant to be.

Each of you has a unique story and a journey of growth over the past 29 years. Some couples in our church have been married for over 50 years, carrying twice the wisdom and experience. Others may not have lived 29 years yet, but you, too, have a collection of lessons learned. Take time to reflect on all that the Lord has done in your life and the ways He has shaped your path.